Post #600!

I was hoping to have something Amazing or Awesome to post about today--
But alas, I am without that...something!
I did-- however figure out (Thanks to Marvelous Mommy and bytescout products) how to watermark my pictures so that If someone takes them-- They will at least have my watermark on them!
A while back I took a picture of an Easter Flag and then I edited it-- I was looking around and I happened to find my picture on someone else's blog-- they had not asked, or even mentioned that I was the one who took the picture.
Now...I just need to watermark ALL my pictures.(well... at least I should!)
Because I am cheap...:) I am doing it with Paint-- maybe one day I will "grow up" and upgrade to a software program.
5 years ago my big brother married his wife Sara-- I am so proud of their marriage-- I know they will be together for decades to come! They are currently pregnant with their second child and Sara is due really soon. How I wish, I could have a fairy godmother's abilities and I could swoop down and give the baby girl to be, a lovely blessing when she finally arrives!
Sadly, I'll have to wait till about September to see her.
Yesterday, Jessica and I went to the neighbor's funeral-- I left Shane at home watching a movie while Jerry was sleeping-- I knew that Shane would not of been calm while at the funeral. It was held at our neighborhood Catholic church-- Since we go to the Faith Center and that is a Four Square Denomination-- it was a HUGE difference. Jessica and I sat at the back and I tried to follow along-- but I am sure that Everyone knew we weren't... Catholic!
:) Ah, well they knew we were believers and they knew that we were there to say goodbye to our neighbor Mac.

Just one of "those" days ~

Life is not always easy...nor is parenting-- :)

Just when you think you are knowledgeable about your kids, they either change their behaviors or-- your skills become obsolete!    Heck of a learning curb/curve if you ask me!

Today there was an Assembly at school, and Shane had a sub-- who is REALLY great with him-- she knows his regular teacher and so Shane doesn't have a chance to be a "pill" --- cause there are too many eyes on him... hehehehe! ahem 
 I was at the school to do some filing for Jessica's teacher, I overheard Shane with his IA, (Instructional Assistant) Shane was very adamant that he WOULD not be going to the Assembly, his IA was trying to convince him that he needed to try, -- I heard his tone of voice and I just knew that he was not going to be able to manage the Assembly.   I waited till they were past me in the hallway and then I tried to walk by them without Shane noticing--- I didn't want to be a distraction that ruined anything his IA had talked Shane into. (It doesn't feel good to avoid your child at school, but I knew that if he saw me the wrong time that might just set him up to make more negative comments.) 
Shane looked up just as I was walking by, he gave me a half-hearted hug and then went the other way with his IA... the look on his face was like he wasn't really there-- his eyes weren't there normal color and his smile didn't have the same brilliance.  It makes me sad to see my son with that look on his face, I think he doesn't even know that he's not connected to his body, and yet it's like he wants to ... just break-through the veil.
I went to the Assembly and watched the other kids get good behavior awards~
 (4 or 5 awards per each classroom),
I clapped and smiled, but there was that part of my heart that was torn-- Shane tries so hard ALL the time, and yet his behavior is not yet ....seen as typical-- he gets a TON of support in the classroom and he is doing relatively well academically-- {with the exception of handwriting}  but because he is not yet an expert at managing his SPD--he is still squirmy and wiggly...
Shane has been asking and asking to have a play-date with a few of the different boys at school-- I have been reluctant to say yes-- I know from experience how quickly Shane can meltdown and I know how his meltdown can have affects hours and sometimes days later.
 I finally overcame my terror, and we planned today...  to finally have the play-date.
I didn't want to leave Shane alone, but after talking with my neighbor-- who is a great sounding board, and talking with the Dad, about how to call if Shane starts to get twitchy... I finally decided that I needed to just let Shane do this. ---
Can I just say I was ...really ....really sweating this decision! 
It was so helpful that I could go back over to my neighbors' house and try to keep busy talking with her, all the while watching the clock tick by.... I think that might of been one of the longest hours... EVER!
Finally it was time to go get Shane, Jessica wanted to stay where she was so -- I went by myself, and even though it took about 40 minutes to leave-- between Shane taking off and on his shoes, finding his socks, getting a loaner toy to transition to, and me ... talking this poor father's ear off about how our family is "just different."  
 I am SURE that I said too much, but on the other hand, I would rather the Father possibly understand why we are like we... "are" -- than think that we are a bunch of wacko's! ...
 Hey, are we a bunch of wacko's...anyway? nah... I hope not!

I have been trying new recipe's for dinner this week, tonight the kids gave me the thumbs down...last night wasn't much better...    (Last night was breaded pork-chops that were soaked in OJ and then breaded-- along with some Parmesan couscous-- they liked the flavor of the couscous-- but the texture wasn't appealing)
 I was hoping to have a home run with one of the dinners-- ah, well at least I know my husband and I will have some happy taste-buds! This evening we had Maple-pecan  pork-chops--

I guess I have been cooking the bland food that the kids like so much that now they are not interested in food with new flavors!  grrrrr. ...

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the week, I hope that Jerry and I can keep the kids busy this weekend.  Jerry wants to take the kids bowling.... I hope this is a good idea!

I hate it, but I love it~

Because of my kids-- I have learned to be the resource mom.

I hate it -- but I love it...

When Jessica was born I had to learn all about being the mom of a preemie-- I had to learn about how to navigate the medical jargon, I had to learn just how precious the caring staff could be, I had to learn how to follow my Mom's instinct and -- sometimes I had to voice my opinion.

I remember I felt like I had been left off on a deserted island... like the people in LOST.

I kept wishin and hoping that I could have someone to call who had been there-- done that ...

The nurses, staff and the social workers helped--

 but none could really answer my difficult questions--

How long will this last?

Will she be normal?

How am I going to get used to this ..."feeling" ?

And

Why?

Then when we found out about the E coli,  the Dr's kept saying,

 "Well she's a case study of one--- We don't know for sure if her kidney's were ever normal-- and really we don't know if her normal is strong enough." 

So, when Shane was born and his behavior as an infant was not -- even in my experience "typical--"

I felt like I deserved a T-shirt... been there done that... I knew who to call -- or at least I knew what agencies to start by calling.

Other mom's that I met thru my circle of friends would often call me for help

-- I enjoy helping when I can, but this was very weird for me--

I was learning how to just be ...a mom-- and yet I was instead,  this person with information.

I finally decided that I could just go ahead... and give help when I could ~

I still get phone calls -- I need help -- who do I call and how do I ask for what I need.

This weekend the kids and I went down to the school to ..."play" tennis, while we were there Shane-- proceeded to tell another little boy...

 all about his "skateboard shoes, and how his wii is just the best thing EVER...."

I found myself talking to the mom and the next thing I know I am talking about the school and how it's great this year-- I go on and on... about how EEP (the pre-school) is just over there in that building; I talk about how you can call EC Cares and get your child tested -- all of this is a bit much-- now that I think  back I hope I didn't freak out that mom... I am not sure that I sounded like a "sweet" passionate mom...

I may of sounded like highly skilled Mom on a Mission to convert all to MY WAY OF THINKING!

So, I guess I ended up this weekend hating that I knew all this,

STUFF-- and yet Loving it that I knew where to get information--

• and still I am not done with my search for how best to not to pull my hair out~ 
• or how to navigate the web to find what I need quickly-- rather than sifting thru a ton of sites...
•  

So, anyway-- that was our weekend!

Happy Monday...

prayers for HennHouse,Travis and family,Sally Jo in China, and Haiti

Parenting in the rain, and tears...

When my kids were little, I often found myself crying or holding back the tears-- a lot of that was from all of the hormones that Mommies have, but I do think it was that I felt so proud and encouraged that they were here, with me, What a treasure!

Now that they are older the tears don't come as often !!!!
But when they do, get me a box of Kleenex and give me an hour or so!

It has been raining this week and I do enjoy the rain, but there are times when I get the kids chanting, Rain, Rain go away... come again another day, and often the kids will take the time to pray and ask that the rain will just stop and come another day!

Last night I was talking with my big brother on the phone, and the topic was the new baby expected in February. We were talking about the choices that his wife was making about the babies room, colors and styles and such.
I laughed when my brother just mentioned that he wanted a leather couch... I still laugh... -- I love you my big, brother... !!! I love my sister-in-law also...!
My brother and sister-in-law thrive on cleanliness and order. I know that having kids is a messy, messy job, and although I know I am not a great cleaner,for me... having kids is more about getting thru the day, then it is about keeping every one clean...

Is there a connection between, rain,tears, and keeping kids clean--? I think there is ...
I think that no matter how much you plan, having a child is never how you thought, and if it does turn out like you thought, just wait a while and you WILL be surprised again..and again. This statement could be applied to the weather, the rain, and tears~

Since my kids are both different than ..."regular kids", I view my parenting in a different light, sometimes the greatest view of my kids is when they are sleeping, or when they aren't aware I'm watching, sometimes my moments of Joy are when I have to explain, yet again that my son is faced each day with extra challenges, or I have to talk with my daughter about, treating others with love,care, and kindness is a have to and not just a should, no matter what the crime.

Life &Parenting is such a challenge, but Letting go and Letting God, really helps me,; All the parenting classes in the world don't change that you as a parent must change also -- I think that is the toughest thing of all !
Kids are a blessing, and God has a plan for each of us, Let us not forget that we are only here to guide them and show them a good path.

It is a struggle to value each moment, good and bad, but the challenge is to know that ANY moment has value. Just as ANY child has value, because they are precious in HIS sight, not to mention ... the parents' sight!

Ah, well,. I guess this blog is morphing into a soap box,
I hope that by reading it,
it helps you
make the values you hold,
part of the changes you make !

If only the Mom's, and Dad's of the world
could use all the tears they shed as power,
Power to be the best Mom they can !