Roller coasters and parenting

http://www.ehow.com/how_2330679_overcome-fear-roller-coasters.html

I am finding out that this parenting thing is alot like a roller-coaster ride-- at first glance it looks like fun, but then when you experience a bit more-- you develop a healthy respect for the emotions of fear/joy/ and thrills.
Because both of my kids have had challenges (Jessica medically-- and Shane sensory&behaviors)
 insert thought bubble here:  I aways thought  end thought bubble.
 that I should get a special pass-- either to the front of the line, or at least my own personal assistant.
Good thing reality knows how to pop these bubbles of mine!
If you click on the link at the top of the page and read though the instructions you might be surprised how much of the advise could be about parenting.
1. Remember the Physics-- (It took quite a while for you to "bake that baby"-- or even adopt and then you had to go through labor and also paperwork)
e=mc2 One of Einstein's great insights was to realize that matter and energy are really different forms of the same thing. Matter can be turned into energy, and energy into matter.

The energy we use as parents---

 shows up as the energy that

creates our children into (children that...) matter.!

2. Keep your Eyes open--  Pay attention to the little things, because all too soon those sweet things-- may change.
3. Pretend you are driving the roller-coaster!  Ha... ha ...  we may be the parent but realizing that parenting isn't about us as an individual is a key thing-- me thinks....:)
4. Start with the smaller coasters.  Uh, yeah.... I recommend prayer for this one-- pray that God, knows you well and that his sense of humor is not on overdrive.---  He won't give you more than you can handle, but he sometimes likes to fill your arms with WORK!
5. Just Do it... yup-- there aren't any short cuts to this parenting thing that I have found-- I have searched high and low, I have begged,pleaded -- I have read books, taken classes and even...spent much time in prayer.   We may not always get this parenting thing right-- but we have the ability to try again tomorrow.

So, anyway I had some challenges with my parenting attitude this weekend--
My kids were fighting -- which is not very normal for them--I asked them to STOP, I even used a loud voice and still they were fighting with each other-- finally in an act of desperation I got a small cup of cold water and --- I flung it on them. Jessica stopped the yelling/screeching  that she was doing and began to cry the ugly cry with her eyes getting larger with every tear. Shane stopped pummeling his sister and looked at me like ~ how dare you interrupt me?-- I was ahead of her-- in the game of ouch--.  I think they were both stunned to their cores-- I had never done something so shocking to them before.
But... it worked it got them to stop what they were doing and hear what I had to say. They both got time-outs and both had to apologize-- heck they even both grumbled that I was being mean and unfair-- I figured that there discontent with me .... was proof that I had done something right!.

Shane didn't do well at church-- our new curriculum has a ton of transitions and Shane went into overload mode -- he wouldn't listen-- focus or anything and the staff didn't call me to help -- so Shane was VERY distracting for the whole group of kids.  I didn't find this out until after church was over and I was picking him up.  I can and I want to be:  able to deal with my son-- but after the FACT... is not the best plan.  So, we came home from church and since Shane confessed in the car that he had made some bad choices with his body-- I had him write an apology letter.

A friend of mine that I have known since I was a teen passed away-- I am very sad-- we had re-connected on Face book-- but I had yet to really talk with her about how her life was-- and share with her how my life is.-- The only thing that about this that helps me manage my emotions-- is that she was a faithful follower of the Mormon religion. So, I know that she is in HIS arms.

There was also a death on my father's side of the family-- This Saturday I am going to that funeral at a Catholic church and although I want to go and share in the event-- I get so un-comfortable at catholic events-- I know I don't fit in and it makes me nervous.

Tomorrow we are going to celebrate Jerry and Shane's birthday's --
 at the park with a pinata, a silly string fight and cupcakes.-- I can't wait to see the pictures I will be taking!

And Life...goes on--- up and down and all around. Ya Got yer seat belt on? , ! Buckle UP!

By the way... God does have a sense of humor-- if you check out the video in my next post,  that is one of the worship songs that we sang while at church--  go ahead... call me Undignified!



I think I learned a lesson!

Yesterday -- Jerry the kids and I were at home waiting,waiting...
 to hear if a baby was born.-- finally it was
(a beautiful baby girl 7 pound 2 ounces and I think 21inches long!)
[Lynn and Debbie are now the proud grandparents to their 5th grandchild!]
 We hopped in the car to drive to the show/gig that Jerry's band Paradox was performing at.

We knew we were going to be at someones' house but we had no idea if it would be kid friendly or not. When we got to the house~ there were other kids that Jessica was happy to play with in the large backyard-- Shane played for a short time in the back yard, but then he found a playroom/bedroom and he was --- shall we say in thrall?   The room was at the back of the house, and the window was part way open ...so he got to hear the band but he didn't have to be outside with all the other people and kids. 

Part of me wanted Shane to come outside and interact with the other kids-- but part of me realized that he was very happy playing by himself.

Towards the very end of the evening, Jessica was able to convince Shane to come outside-- I think she used the lure of cake! -- Anyway -- Shane came outside -- The band was playing and Shane was singing along -- but he would let out a high pitched scream every so often-- complaining that the band was TOO loud.          I thought about getting our ear protection from the truck, but I knew the guys were almost done. Because of my foot being in the boot, I stayed sitting-- normally I would of gone over and tried to talk with Shane-- Eventually-- Shane came over and complained to me that it was too loud... I asked Shane if he wanted to "plug into the ipod"-- and he said yes...  I got him the ipod and it was SO AWESOME to see him ~ he was able to be apart of the gathering but he wasn't crashing or bashing into anyone, or anything! --

I wanted to get some pictures or video of the kids dancing-- but I didn't~ wah...wah...
I would of had to, borrow the keys from Jerry, then navigate the dark to the truck and find my camera --
The band was so loud that I don't know that the video would of been fun to watch anyway--

Ah, well... it was LOVELY to get out of the house and see other things and talk with other people-- Because all the guys and their wives in the band have other "real" jobs-- we all don't often get the opportunity to just talk. This birthday party was for Lynn's sister and so it was less of a show.... and more like a relaxed gathering/celebration.-- It really was a treat to just hang out and talk with the women, and even some of the men... :)      So, often Jerry's band is performs at a bar -- or where there is alot of intoxicated people-- .

My lesson I learned yesterday: bring ipod... and be happy! :)

time on my knees...

I haven't been blogging much this week-- it's our local county fair...week ~
Fair week brings back bad memories-- Jessica got e coli from a simple trip to the fair.
It makes me sad that I am un-able to see the fair as a GREAT place to be., I find myself yelling sarcastically at the TV, when the news people are at the fair, talking about all the "fun stuff" to do~
I have often thought about going down and walking on the sidewalk with a sign... but then I think what purpose would I serve? maybe I'd be on TV again... but I can't imagine that people would listen any better than they have in the past...
I know that some people are more likely to get e coli.... and Jessica just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and yet I want an apology-- I want compensation....
But I also know that -- none of what I want... is what God has planned, and so I find myself praying and waiting --
It's not really bad... all this emotion and upheaval... but I am not sure how to move on-- when I see a constant reminder on Jessica's neck (she has scars from her main line...)
I worry that the H1N1 virus will be detrimental for our family, I hope that I can get her the vaccine--
I'm thinking that maybe I just need to do some (more) time on my knees....
If you want to read the whole story about Jessica and her last trip to the fair-- click on one of the labels below... and get your kleenex.

Speaking to children with Grace

I love my kids...
But there are times when I want to pull my hair and scream, I have however realized that hair pulling and screams will not solve the problem.
Because Jessica was a preemie we received Early Intervention Services, and along with that we were able to take parenting classes-- some were free and there were even a few that we paid to take more than once, since we enjoyed the class so much! (there was excellent childcare on site and Awesome snacks!-- yahoo,,,)
anyway... Both my husband and I wanted to do better than we had seen growing up , and so we both made a choice to do our best, and if that wasn't working...then we decided to be willing to try something else.
(That can be tough... you know the quick answer is a swat on the hand...but often the best answer is a re-direct and then a social story or a lesson, about good choices, bad choices)
We have learned that how we talk to our kids matters, and the tone of voice, whether we are on their level or above them matters... we have also learned that the volume, and cadence of our speech matters-- another key thing for us, is the amount of words used-- LESS is MORE~
All that being said, please choose carefully the words you say--- if you don't want them to scream in the shower, while at the pool, then tell them what they can do... "you can drink the water...(ewwww) but you can not scream, while in the shower..."(maybe that was a bad example..but you get the point...)
I overheard myself talking to Jessica -- and I had to stop and ask for an apology-- My words and tone were negatively affecting what I wanted to say. The topic was simply brushing her teeth, and then need to do better-- but my words were so harsh that the teaching moment was lost.--

Thankfully, children are resilient and

I don't believe permanent hard was done...

but I wonder how many parent's do stop to think -

-- about how the words I say have power,

how can I say this well and with GRACE?

on another quick note, Shane finished his testing with the psychologist... and he was VERY impressed with Shane, so many of the skills that Shane has are above the benchmark for his age, and only a few of his skills are somewhat lacking... I am very hopeful for next year, a new teacher, a new principal, a new plan... and a POSITIVE future!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got Shane's stuff from the school without seeing the teacher -- yay!

and here is a story he wrote...

Jamie Foxx the elephant went bowling and kept getting a strike on the pins. He actually won money for doing it and then he wondered "What should I do with all that money?"When he went to sleep that night he was dreaming that he had a motorcycle and that he was human so when he woke up he went and bought a motorcycle but it wasn't so easy to ride it for an elephant and that is the end of the story--

that is all I've got...

So, NEVER LET AN ELEPHANT RIDE A MOTORCYCLE!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How Smart is My Mommy ?

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.
Anna Quindlen American Author and Journalist
A good friend of mine, Patty... sent me this quote ~
and I thought that it was a great starting point for this rambling post...!
During the day, I only have a short time that I am alone, but when I am I find myself stunned by the silence, and I wonder if the world has stopped just ... for me?!
For me being a mom is the best job I could ever have,
it fills me up and then overflows my heart!{not to mention the laundry basket and the counters with the dirty dishes!}
I just hope and pray that my kids see my constant attempts
to improve my parenting skills as a positive and GREAT work
```````````````````````````````````
Some of today's parenting skills went out the window,
I found myself telling Shane that he was
"Listening with his elbows" and he replied
He wasn't listening with his ears,because I was yelling at him.
Not to be .."outdone" by my 5 year old
I replied that I was only yelling because I was frustrated at him,
to which he ... quickly replied , Well, I'm angry and frustrated at you also!
Finally, I just said quietly
"Mommy is angry that you aren't listening and following directions, Mommy thinks that your elbows need to listen better."
Shane just looked at me and smiled and then laughed,
"Mommy what a funny mommy you are !"
--so did I win?
Nah... -- I just regrouped for the next round of How smart is my mommy?
The other day Shane and Jessica were asking questions about the remote controls and which ones were for what, I asked if they knew where their remote controls were ... and Shane looked so sincere when he said, that his remote control button had peanut butter on it.. I asked where the button was, and he just laughed, I said it must be on his belly button! more laughter followed!
So, anyway I just wanted to share a small slice of our life with all of you!
I may not be the VERY best parent, but I feel like I am the best for these kids right now!