Monday, Shane had a melt down following a time-out at school
just as I was on my way to get my nails done--- I had to go and get Shane from school
He was being combative and physical. At first the staff wanted me to take him back down to the time-out room and "finish" his time out. (When I got to the school he wasn't even speaking-- he was just screaming every few moments--- clearly he had had enough!) I took Shane out to the car, and the school counselor followed with Shane's backpack-- holding on to Shane was hard enough without having to manage the backpack also. The counselor and I stood there and talked while Shane crashed around in the car-- (maybe not the best choice, but I needed a moment and he needed a moment also) Any way the counselor, recommended that he share the book
"How to Train a Child" with me--- I came home and googled it- here is a small portion~
When we speak of consistently rewarding every transgression with a switching (not a karate chop to the lower backbone), this mother can only see herself as further brutalizing children for whom it will do no good. Her discipline is just "laying down a field of fire" to give herself sufficient cover to get through to the next task. She doesn't hope to conquer their wills, just create enough diversion to accomplish her own mission
-- Let's just say..ah, No-- not for my family!
When Shane would finally talk, he said "I want to get fired from school, so I hit the teacher!"
It seems to me that Shane has become quite aware of how things work and is using everyone to his advantage-- he doesn't like to be at school and so if he hits and then cannot complete a time-out -- then he "gets" to come home. (It isn't any treats or TV when he gets home-- but I am sure that home is different enough that it has become a reward!)
I decided to try something new at home to see if that would help school-- I woke Shane and Jessica up with classic Queen--- A while back "someone" let Shane hear "We are the Champions"-- and he was hooked-- there is also a current Walmart commerical that has that song on it also-- So, I went ahead and put on the CD--- I have to say it was the best idea ...ever!
He got up -- stayed moving and was focused on following through with all my prompts! .
Then while Shane was at school --there were a bunch of staff observing him -- he was such a good boy -- he got rewarded with 6 "beep beeps" , he hasn't earned any beep beeps in the last few weeks.
Ummm... I wonder if he was behaving for the staff that were watching, or if the teacher was herself behaving ?
When I picked Shane up, the teacher didn't seem to be happy that Shane had a good day, I couldn't figure her out... -- I emailed the PH.d to see if she knew something I didn't- this was her response: I think she is just feeling anxious and defensive—she wants Shane to succeed but isn’t sure what to do and feels like it is her fault that he is struggling. That is not a fun place to be.
Ummm, I love my professional Ph.D --- she really puts things in perspective!
On Thursday there is another meeting that I need to be at -- it is all about showing the school and I how the First Steps to Success will look -- and I plan on bringing up the topic of time-outs--There has got to be another way for Shane to know that hitting is NEVER okay-- and also the school needs to be able to complete their time-out with Shane-- and not expect me to punish him on their behalf.And then today Jessica has another appointment with the orthodontist today-- I never had braces myself-- so I don 't know how much pain there is going to be and I don't know how best to help her through the pain and discomfort.