Only Five days of school so far

Last evening, Shane,Jessica and I went to church to see Jeff baptized ~ Jeff is my 16 year old nephew-- he recently passed his driving test without ANY mistakes... he is dating a very sweet and quiet, young, lovely lady-- and he is an all around great kid. It was so nice that he called to invite us, however, we couldn't stay for the whole church service - it was going to run too late. On the way home both of the kids fell asleep in the truck--
I even went to sleep at ....8:30pm! I haven't been that early to bed in a LONG time...

Normally, when we go to church, I drop the kids off in their classrooms, and then I go to the sanctuary-- but because we were there to see Jeff baptized -- and then leave, I figured it was smarter? to have the kids with me--On Wednesday nights there aren't very many people and so I didn't think that it would be a huge deal if the kids were in with the adults.
When the kids knew the songs we were singing-- they stood and sang...(yelled) the words-- Danni-- my sister in law and I, sat with the kids between us-- and neither of us wanted to admonish the kids for yelling, but we did make eye contact and roll our eyes.. at least the kids were enthusiastic! (Danni was so helpful she went and got them two, "keep them busy bags..." and that seemed to calm the kids down a bit)
After Jeff was done getting dunked... :) I packed the kids up and left-- I felt like I had just given blood and I needed to sit and drink some orange juice.

Then this morning Shane was trying everything he could to stay home,

• I 'm bored,
• School just isn't for me,
• Mommy, I want to stay home and hug you all day,
• Mommy, you can teach me at home...
• I don't feel good, I have bumps in my nose...(that must of been why he has been constantly picking his nose... ewwwwwww gross!)
• Mommy, I think I have the swine flu
• Mommy, my neck feels weird, and my stomach just isn't normal.
• Mommy, I want to play that game with Daddy.
  All this week it has been hard for me to be at home alone while the kids are at school--

I have a ton of things to do... but I worry that if I start a project-- the phone will ring and I will have to go to school to pick up Shane... who has melted down.

I know that this is just "a mommy worry..." and yet I still can't figure another thing to think about.... It is SO hard to try to change the tape that is in your child's head... if the tape in your head is echoing the child's. (Does that make ANY sense?)

So, I did manage to get the kids to school and by then Shane was somewhat willing. I took the time to talk with his teacher, the principal and the special ED teacher -- so that they would be aware that Mr.Smarty pants...Shane... was doing a great job of manipulating his mommy's emotions!

Back when I was "young"...(in my twenty's) I thought that having kids was -- to have cute kids that looked like you -- and to maybe parent, how you would of wished you were parented.
I NEVER thought....that I might have to spend my "spare" time researching how best to convince my kids that I they have to go to school, because their Mom is scared... that she can't home school them.
Now... I have dear friends who home school and I am very proud of them :)
... but I really feel -- that Shane and Jessica will do better if they are at school -
I need some alone time !
Gosh, this parenting stuff... never gets easier does it?
Both Shane and Jessica have really great teachers, so the home school question -- really isn't a question- except that Shane is good at finding Mommy's weak spots...

It was helpful to talk with all the people involved with Shane today-- they all were SUPER supportive of me, and each gave me a bit of advice--- I never would of thought that teaching would involve a counseling degree! LOL I was reminded that Shane might very well be tired, after all he is spending more time in school,(during the school day) this year than he did last year.. His teacher also talked about how quickly he finishes tasks-he seems to be reading ahead of most of the other kids, he is also ahead in math skills. It will take some planning to keep him focused, but still keep in an appropriate peer group.

To-morrow is grocery day, Jerry is home, and Jessica and I are going to gather the light weight stuff that we "need" to go hiking with Aunt Danni...
I am nervous,scared...worried and a bit freaked out-- I know that Danni will not lead me into the Valley of the Shadow of Death... but since she is in SUPERB shape, and I ...am not, I am a bit concerned that I ... may not meet expectations! (It's sad when the mom, is not able to perform like she expects her kids to)

I guess this week is about Wake up calls? ... a wake up call for me to get healthy, and a wake up call for me to find ...an identity that is productive, for being at home and is not ALWAYS associated with my kids?